


Do Not Hurt Him Again

by Nihonkikuasa211



Category: Code Black (TV)
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Past Relationship(s), Protective Jesse Sallander, Tag to 1x16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 01:44:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5987878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nihonkikuasa211/pseuds/Nihonkikuasa211
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jesse sees Grace Adams in the ER, he tells her not to hurt Neal again.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Do Not Hurt Him Again

**Author's Note:**

> I don't dislike Grace. I just...felt bad for Neal. This is only speculation on what happened, and since Grace seems to be one to speak her mind, I thought it wouldn't be out of character for her to say the words she said in this story. I have a feeling Grace left Neal to go to Haiti, and from how he interacted with her...he seemed angry. Rightly so, in my opinion. Heartbreak (I have felt that before) really hurts, and since Neal was still angry after a year, I figured he was probably hurt and cut up after what happened. I don't blame Grace. I just don't like that she hurt Neal, and continued to hurt him, in my opinion, in this last episode.

_Do Not Hurt Him Again_

Jesse Sallander watched the interaction between Grace Adams and Neal Hudson closely. There was no sign of regret or pain on the female doctor’s face, and Jesse inwardly sighed as he could see the closed-off and guarded expression he had seen more times today than in the past year on the male attending's face. Although the senior nurse knew well that it was best to forget and not get involved in the relationships and arguments of the residents, or former residents, he found that his heart – _which_ was perfectly healthy – beating painfully at the sight of one of his former residents clenching his jaw to not show of the pain registering through his mind.

            “Jesse.” The senior nurse turned and found Grace beaming towards him. She leaned in for a hug, and Jesse allowed her too. When she pulled back, the Hispanic observed the young female doctor. She appeared to be happy, a small smile on her face as she continued to stare at Jesse. “It’s good to see you.”

            “It is good to see you too,” Jesse stated somewhat quietly as he spotted Christa heading towards Neal. _They have a lot to talk about, and there’s no way Mama is getting involved in_ that _._ “You helped provide hope for a patient who needed it the most.”

            Grace blinked, the emotion raw in her eyes as she nodded. Jesse had seen the brief interactions the former Angels doctor had with the young girl, and had been pleased to find out that the surgery to remove the tumor had been a success. His thoughts shifted to the now-surgical attending that had performed the surgery, and Jesse attempted to focus on the present and not on what he remembered a year ago.

            “If I may say,” Jesse stated with a quiet voice without any malice, “some advice, Dr. Adams.” His dark eyes wandered over to place where Neal was now talking quietly with Christa. “Don’t hurt him again.”

            Grace’s eyes widened, and then understanding framed her face. She appeared to try to speak, but lost her voice at the look on Jesse’s expression. It was seriousness that had only appeared a few times during her residency, and the dark pools bored into her own as Jesse continued to speak.

            “I do not want to see any expression of pain on Dr. Hudson’s face again.”

            “I had to go,” Grace said firmly, her eyes slightly flashing, defensive as Jesse nodded.

            “You did good there, Grace.” Jesse acknowledged, remembering of how the young female had been passionately concerned with the people of Haiti, eventually deciding to volunteer there. “You did plenty good. However,” Jesse stated with firmness, “you also hurt him.”

            Grace swallowed, and she blinked as she attempted to come up with a response. Finally, she only said, “I didn’t mean to hurt him.”

            “I know,” Jesse said, hoping that his voice sounded as gentle as he hoped it sounded despite the memories resurfacing in his mind. The memory of Angus’ face after the aftermath of the attack on Malaya and the death of the former ER director flashed in his mind, remembering another time in which he had stated those words to.

            “I know he’s still angry with me,” Grace stated with regret filming over her eyes as Jesse came back from his thoughts. “I thought he would be...over it by now. A part of me...even thought there could still be us.” Jesse raised an eyebrow. "He seemed angry that I thought we could start over again."

            A stab of anger, so quick and dying instantly that Jesse thought he must have imagined it, flashed through his body. His mind filled with the thought of the surgical attending a year ago, standing alone in the locker room, staring at the locker Grace used to have. Of how _happy,_ so very _happy_ with Christa by his side. That smile that Jesse hadn't seen since...

            “People do not react the way you expect him too,” Jesse stated calmly. “He was in pain, Dr. Adams, and I do not want to see him in pain again.”

            “Mama –” Jesse held up his hand as Grace tried to speak.

            “I am not blaming you, Grace.” Jesse stated quietly. His eyes were understanding but still slightly distant. “I just want you to know that I will not accept any heartache from any of my children again.”

            Grace sighed and closed her eyes for a few moments. She opened them, and Jesse could see regret clear in her eyes as she stared at where Neal was, a soft smile on his face as he was talking with the object of his affection. Although Jesse had not stated anything, the senior nurse had been happy for the former resident when Leanne had smirked and told him he owed her thirty dollars from the former bet placed (which was that Neal and Christa wouldn’t become a couple until the blond resident’s first year of residency had been completed), knowing that the attending’s heart had healed. _Healed not enough from anger, apparently,_ Jesse thought.

            “How much did I hurt him?” Grace asked, and the senior nurse inwardly sighed. His mind flashed to the broken look on Neal’s face a year ago, and allowed the memory to resurface.

           

            _2014_

_“You know better than to lie to your Mama,” Jesse stated. The senior nurse stared at the young attending, who was trying not to stare at him. Neal had a bad day. The effects of his break-up with Grace were effecting his work, and Leanne had stated harsh words to her former student – too harsh, in Jesse’s opinion. He could see the dark circles under Neal’s eyes, and the way his hands slightly shook as he held the red binder in his hands._

_“I’m fine,” Neal stated again, sounding more insecure from the tone of his voice and of how he licked his lips. His eyes blinked furiously, wandering over to anywhere but the supposed interrogation he was having. “I have to go,” the former resident stated breathlessly, his face looking more like a scared little boy than the attending he was. “I’ll see you in the morning,” the dark-haired young doctor stated as he walked away without looking at Jesse._

_It was already morning, Jesse thought as he looked back at Center Stage. No sign of anyone noticing him. Without a sound, Jesse walked over to the locker room. In his many years as a nurse and a healer, the sound and sight of heartbreak should be in tuned to him. He had seen formerly tough men cry, screaming in pain and agony as someone they loved was lost, The sound of moaning and sobbing as someone who they had tried to save was lost and the family member grieved. But somehow it was different for people that he knew. People, that although Jesse didn’t speak it, considered as his family. He could see Neal standing beside the locker Grace had once used since they had been residents together, his right hand faintly touching the cold metal as his dark haunted eyes continued to blink, furiously trying to contain the tears that Jesse knew that were trying to break free. Neal pressed his forehead against the locker, his breath calming slightly as a couple of moments passed. His hands were still. The attending was almost calm until a sudden breath escaped from him, and Neal pressed his forehead, not so gently, against the locker door as a sharp and shuddering breath escaped from him as he swallowed._

_Jesse’s heart filled with pain as he saw of how the dark-haired broken man grasped the locker door with his hand, biting his lip as something close to a cry escaped from his lips. Shuddering breaths continued to come from Neal, for a couple of minutes. Jesse was about to come closer to the former resident who now looked as lost as he did when he had arrived on that day at Angels when he saw tears flowing from Neal’s eyes._

_“Why Haiti, Grace?” The crying man’s voice rasped, and he took another shuddering breath. “Why now...after what we’ve been through? You told me...” Neal’s voice faltered, and the senior nurse attempted to hold back as he could see the dark brown eyes drowning in solitude._

_“What did she tell you?” Jesse suddenly asked, and Neal jumped, shock coursing through his features as he stared at the Hispanic._

_“I-I didn’t see you there,” the younger man stated faintly. He looked away._

_“What did she tell you?” Jesse continued to ask. He sat down on the bench and watched as Neal fought within himself to make a choice: either telling Jesse or not._

_“She called me a coward.” Neal’s voice was faint, and Jesse could hear the pain in his voice. “She told me...” Neal swallowed, and he continued thickly. “We had a big row, and... I called her an egotistical bitch.” A hollow laugh escaped from the young attending, and Jesse could see of how the attending’s hands were shaking, trying not to hold onto something. “She called me a coward.” Then Neal turned, and Jesse fought to not close his eyes. There was so much pain in Neal’s eyes, so much so that Jesse thought that his dark brown eyes drowning in pain were windows to his soul. Cracked windows, stained with tears and heartbreak that would have scars. “She said that I was running away from my father, from being_ who I truly was _, from being a surgeon, and that I should go with her!”_

_Neal breathed through his nose and looked up at the ceiling, in the vain attempt to hid the agony he was experiencing, and the tears caressing his cheeks. “I’m not a surgeon,” Neal repeated almost fervently. “I’m not a surgeon, and I don’t know_ why _so many people think I am.” His breathing calmed, and a sharp swallow went down his throat as Neal’s expression echoed in Jesse’s mind. His heart went out to the young doctor. Although Jesse was not an easy person to anger, he felt intense anger at Grace. Every unmentioned insecurity that the young doctor had held inside since the day he became a resident at Angles was said to him, something that Neal did not need as his now ex-girlfriend left their relationship and the country. “I said things that I shouldn’t have said, but...when she told me that I should go with her, I snapped. I told her,” Neal said faintly, “that Angels was my home, and that I would never leave it. I would_ never _leave it to do something supposedly worth more than what we do here.”_

_“They do good work in Haiti,” Jesse stated diplomatically, and faintly, Neal nodded._

_“I know.” The lost expression appeared on his face again. “But...I thought that our relationship...what we had was_ more _than what Grace wanted.”_

_There was only the sound of breathing as Jesse continued to stare at the young doctor. His tears had stopped, but the agony echoed across his face._

_“We’re over,” Neal repeated. His voice started to crack, and his eyes squeezed shut as tears flowed from his eyes. “We’re over, and I thought...” His voice faded. “I thought I loved her.”_

_“Come here,” Jesse whispered as Neal began to shake. “Come here,_ Téito _.” He hadn’t called Neal the affectionate nickname since he had been a first year resident, but the sound of the name caused the younger doctor to sit on the bench beside Jesse. The senior nurse followed the slightly blood-shot eyes of the young attending, and gently turned toward him. “The heart heals all things,” Jesse stated softly. “Including hurts from the ones closest to us. It is going to be alright,_ Téito _.”_

_Neal sighed, the sigh coming deep from his chest, as his head rested against Jesse’s shoulder. Jesse allowed the younger doctor to lean against him slightly. Neal was not one for physical affection, but he had made an expectation this time._

_“It’s going to be alright,” Jesse continued to whisper._ “Mi téito.”

            “How much did I hurt him?”

            Jesse heard Grace’s question in his ears again, and his mind came to the present. He could see concern and guilt growing on the female doctor’s face, Although Jesse knew it was best to tell her the truth, his tongue held.

         “You leaving left a crack in his heart,” Jesse said calmly. He didn’t look back at Grace, knowing too well that she would see the reality if she saw the look on his face now. The faint smile, almost a grimace, that Neal had as he thanked Jesse on that morning echoed in the senior nurse’s mind. The smile, the true smile, that framed his face after leaving with a smiling Christa echoed as the senior nurse remembered of how similar Neal’s smile had been when with Grace. Similar...but different. _An illusion is preferable to the truth,_ the Hispanic nurse thought as he thought again of Neal’s anguish. _Do not hurt him again, Grace. Christa...do not hurt him._

_There is only so much a heart as gentle as his can take._

**Author's Note:**

> Jesse's nickname for Neal is "Little Tea" because he comes from England and we all know how the English love their tea. Share your thoughts, and tell me if you thought I was being too hard on Grace!


End file.
